Mercury in Retrograde Audiobook and other updates!

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Hello and Happy Halloween! I have a ton of updates with a little something for just about everyone.

Big news for the A Shot in the Dark series!

First of all, I am beyond pleased to announce that as of just a few days ago, the Mercury in Retrograde audiobook went LIVE on Audible, Amazon, and iTunes!

I am so excited for everyone to hear it because my audiobook producer, Amanda Bell, did a fantastic job and really breathed life into her representation of my characters.

Secondly, as Halloween is right around the corner, and since it’s one of my favorite holidays out of the year (I mean really, we should always celebrate when mosquitos die amirite), I’m doing a mini-sale!
Both Mercury in Retrograde and book two in my “A Shot in the Dark” series, Grand Cross, will be discounted to just $2.99!
And even better news in that series is that I will be participating in NaNoWriMo this year and getting to work on book three, Opposition! Soon, you’ll learn the truth of the orachal trade in Sol and discover how Aralyn and company are going to get out of their latest scrape without pissing off half the galaxy. (That last part is, admittedly, not Aralyn’s strong suit.)

A little something for the fantasy readers…

And, if you’re a fairy tale lover, then you’re going to adore some of the anthologies I’ve got coming out with one of my publishers! Right now, Beyond Neverland, a Peter Pan retelling featuring my short story, “Never Say Goodbye,” and Beyond the Woods, a Little Red Riding Hood retelling featuring my short story, “Wolf’s Bane,” are available for purchase and pre-order on Amazon, respectively.
You’ll be able to find out what happened after Wendy left Neverland and what happens when Red grows up and confronts Big Bad!
Seriously, you will not want to miss these anthologies!

Conventions

I recently attended the first ever year of MultiverseCon here in Atlanta, GA, and it was honestly amazing. You would never have known it was a first year convention seeing as things went so smoothly.
I got to meet one of my favorite authors, Seanan McGuire, and get her autograph on some books, as well as get some amazing advice from her and Cat Rambo, the former two-term SFWA president (and prolific short story teller).
There were several big time indie publishers there, fantastic authors galore, and many, many more awesome things (like Strongbad, what?!). They also raised funds for RAICES.
I plan on going back next year and hope to see many of you there!

And for the romance lovers…

A friend of mine recently released her first ever romance novel, In Too Deep! It’s a sweet office romance guaranteed to make you swoon.
It just came out October 28, so make sure you grab your copy!

If you want to win a free copy of Mercury in Retrograde on audiobook, follow me on Twitter and Facebook (@MeretheWalther). The winner will be announced December 1, 2019!

That’s all the updates I have for now, but I will have excited news coming up soon!

Happy Halloween!

Writing a Novel: Choosing Your Audience

Editor's Suggestions

So you’ve got the vision for your next (or first!) great story, and you’re aiming for getting it published. Go, you!

You know the over-arching plot, you think you have the perfect ending, and you just want to get it out there and have the world salivate all over it. But when you describe the story to people, they just nod all non-committal like and say, “Oh… sounds pretty cool.” And maybe they’re quick to change the subject after your verbal pitch.

So… now what?

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Believe it or not, when you first start describing your book to people, their reactions are actually really important. Why? Because they’re letting you know what they think of your book—or at least what they think of the idea of your book. And, based on their age, gender, and even economic or political status, they’re showing you whether or not they are part of your target audience.

“But people will buy my book because it’s awesome!” you might shout.

And firstly, don’t shout, ‘cause I’m right here and already battling some tinnitus from my clubbing days. And secondly, some people will buy your book just “because,” or even to give it a chance to demonstrate its own merit when you’re having a .99c sale… but those people are usually the ones who come in all back of the bus ‘n shit, well after your book has had its chance to make it (or break it) out there in the world. And if you’re not reaching your target audience, then your book sales are going to flail around like a fish on the shore.

And those “buy it just because it’s cheap” people aren’t the people you are marketing to. So just exactly who are you trying to reach?

If you answer, “Well, my book is for everyone,” then… (LOUD BUZZER NOISE):

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There is literally no way in hell you can pitch, market, and reach everyone. There just isn’t. It isn’t possible.

So, you need to decide early on several things about your book:

  • Which genre you’re writing in
  • Who this book might appeal to
  • How you can reach that audience

Quick!
Describe your book in one to two concise sentences.

Most people flounder here (including people who have already written, published and promoted the book), so don’t worry if it starts out somewhat like:

“It’s an awesome YA/urban fantasy/sci-fi/middle-grade/new adult/romance/rom-com/supernatural thriller with werewolves that turn into humans on the full moon that hunt down and attack other people. My main character is 14 years old and single-handedly ends up saving the world from this destruction.”

Like I said, this is a problem that many writers have, because when we have an idea, it burns within us. We focus so much on the writing of the idea that we have that we forget sometimes that we’re not just writing a book—we’re creating a sellable product. And that sellable product needs a well-defined audience. We need to know who we’re writing to, which means we need to develop something called the “proto-persona”—that is, the exact “type” of person we want to reach.

So first things first, we’re going to need to pare down that over-share spiel.

Since we’re talking mythological creatures in what sounds like an urban environment, I’m going to assume right off the bat that we’re not aiming for say, someone your grandpa’s age.

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Something of interest to note when figuring out your audience: Women not only read more novels than men, but they also are more likely to read fiction than men are.

So immediately, we already know that if your book is fiction, then not only are men less likely to read it, they’ll also be less likely to enjoy it if they do. So we’re probably going to gear more toward the female side of our audience. But your character is 14… do you really think that someone 40 or older is going to want to read about a middle-schooler’s problems?

The age of your characters are IMPORTANT. Typically, people like reading about characters who are also in their same state of life. Whether that’s age, situation with a job, single- or married-dom, or anything else, it makes us feel good to read about people from a walk of life that we can relate to and understand. One of the easiest ways to do this is to focus on the age of your characters and have them in situations that are relatable to your audience. So if your character is 14, you’re probably appealing more to younger kids, but if you don’t want to write that young, then don’t! Let’s say your novel is looking more YA than middle-grade at this point because you want to include adult themes like sexin’ and swearin’.

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So, let’s move the characters’ ages from 14 to around 18. Typically speaking, you will need to aim your character’s age right around the same age of the people you hope to reach. That means if you want to write about a 18-year-old girl, you will probably appeal most to people right around that age group (give or take about 10 years).

This will of course vary, but essentially, you’ve just defined your market as appealing to 15-25 year-old ladies who enjoy supernatural or urban fantasy tales.

This means your themes, ideas, and the drama within the pages needs to be relatable to this type of person. If your character is still in school, then younger readers will relate more, but older readers can still appreciate it. If your character is struggling with their lycanthropy while working a shitty job with low pay and inconsistent hours, then your older audience will relate more, but younger audience members might still enjoy it.

Either way, you’re creating your market as you write your book, which is incredibly helpful when you’re trying to figure out who will buy it, read it, and tell all of their friends about it.

While creating your proto-persona really isn’t too hard, it can seem utterly daunting. Knowing your audience is important when you’re figuring out who to market to, but really, your book can speak for itself, so just let it guide you!

Photo: WeHeartIt

Mercury in Retrograde’s Cover Reveal & Giveaway!

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As you may or may not know, my novel, Mercury in Retrograde is due out in only a WEEK now (Feb. 7). I’m alternately jumping-for-joy excited and huddle-in-a-ball nervous.

But anyway, I have two great announcements! Which is why I’m writing to you lovelies today.

First:
This is the cover of my awesome book, Mercury in Retrograde:

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Yes, it’s rad. It’ll look even better in your Kindle library or physical library, so keep that in mind. 😉

Second:
I’m having a GIVEAWAY, GUYS!

Yes! You can win a TOTALLY FREE copy of my book on GoodReads! Just enter here:

https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/220750-mercury-in-retrograde

I know. It’s awesome. So enter to win, share with your friends, and maybe scream about it all over social media, or just generally out in public. That’s… something people do, right?

See you all in a week!!

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Mercury in Retrograde updates!

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So, very soon, I will be doing a cover reveal for Mercury in Retrograde, my debut novel! If you haven’t already checked it out and discovered if you’d like to read it (the answer is yes, yes you would), you can do so at the Curiosity Quills website, here, or at Goodreads, here.

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I will also be doing some lovely Instagram pics as soon as I get the chance. Mercury in Retrograde will be available soon, so as you can imagine, I can barely contain my excitement.

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Stay tuned! Awesome giveaways may be announced shortly, and you might even get the chance to get a copy for free!

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Capitalization: You’re Probably Doing It Wrong

Editor's Suggestions

One of the most common misconceptions that I run across in writing is when to capitalize things, and when they should stay lowercase. This is honestly a big issue, and can take your manuscript from potentially looking professional to seemingly amateurish in a heartbeat. It can be the difference between an agent or publishing house thinking that you know what you’re doing, or thinking that you started writing a week ago.

Proper capitalization in your writing is important for several reasons.

  • There are already pretty firm rules in place about this subject, so expressing ignorance of it means that you might also lack ignorance of other conventional writing rules.
  • If you Capitalize random words, It can make your Reader’s Voice messed up. Try reading This without doing a Weird version of Internal Puberty voice Changing in your Head. Can’t Do it, Can ya?
  • Capitalization is often used for emphasis or importance, but this is really, really, not the best use for it. It’s called “vanity capitalization,” and editors literally hate it. Capitalization should be kept to proper nouns (people’s names, place names, etc.), the first word in a sentence, and of course, proper titles.

One of the biggest no-no’s I’ve seen is confusing capitalization of honorifics. For some people, this can be a very difficult subject to broach, as there are many rules regarding the use of honorifics, and some of them are confusing.

What are honorifics? Honorifics are essentially “titles” that you give to people. Think sir, ma’am, mister, doctor, etc. For those of you writing medieval fiction, there are also the titles of royalty and lords. This can all get a bit confusing when you’re trying to figure out what needs to be capitalized, and what needs to be lowercase. So let’s start with some clarification!

When a title should or should not be capitalized:

First things first, NEVER capitalize “the” unless it’s the first word of your sentence or it’s the first word of your book/movie/art title.

“I saw The Secret Life of Pets the other day.” vs. “This is The Book of Shadows.” The second one is wrong. It will make your editor/agent/reader/publisher cringe. Don’t do it!

Sir & ma’am: Are only capitalized when they are the first word in a sentence.*

Correct:

Sir, I’ve got some bad news…”/ “But what were you hoping to hear, ma’am?”

Incorrect:

“I’ve got some bad news, Sir.” / “But what were you hoping to hear, Ma’am?”

* The only time this would be different is if you are introducing someone who’s been knighted, like Sir Elton John, or Sir Patrick Stewart. These are now titles that include the proper noun that makes them capitalized.

“Oh my goodness, it’s Sir Patrick Stewart! May I have your autograph, sir?”

“Eh, what do you know, mister?” vs. “That’s Mister Ford.”

“Can I ask you a question, miss?” vs. “I’m telling Miss Davis!”

Familial use

“But Mom said I could go.” vs. “That’s my mom.”

“Didn’t you ask your father?” vs. “Yes! And Father said I could go.”

“I’m going to see my uncle.” vs. “I’m going to see Uncle Robert.”

US political titles

“President” is a title frequently used in writing as a means of addressing the president. It also holds the first spot for one of the single most incorrectly capitalized terms I’ve ever seen. (And that’s not hyperbole, either.) You’ll notice in this paragraph that “president” is only capitalized at the beginning of a sentence.

(The following samples in this section are all correct.)

That’s because it’s not a proper noun on its own and therefore should not be capitalized unless before a name or if that’s someone’s actual name.

“But sir, the president is on her way now.” / “Tomorrow, President Adams will be speaking in the courtyard.”

The same goes for other political titles, like senator, congressman/woman, ambassador, vice president or chairperson, etc.*

“This is Robert Davies, the senator from Montana.” / “Excuse me, Senator Davies?”

“I’d like to introduce you to Congressman/woman Jones.” / “The congressman/woman isn’t available right now.”

*If your character is being addressed by a honorary title that includes the words “madame” or “mister,” etc. before it, then it is capitalized.

“Would Madame Ambassador follow me this way, please?” and “Mr./Mister Secretary, a word, if you can.” / “Please, Vice President Craig, listen to reason!” and “The vice president cannot take part in the meeting at this time.”

Titles of profession

Doctor, professor, officer, detective… these are all commonly capitalized when they should actually be lowercase. The only time these titles should be capitalized is when a proper noun follows them.

However, there are some grammar places that capitalize titles like “doctor” when they’re addressing the person by that title, though I personally do not follow these rules unless it’s a nickname, like calling your doctor “Doc.”

This is because doctor is both a profession as well as a title, and if you’re addressing someone as “doctor,” you’re calling them by their profession. It’s the same thing as saying “teacher” or “mailman.” None of these professional titles are typically capitalized unless adjoined to a proper name, like below.

“I’ve got a bad cold, doctor.” vs. “I’ve got a bad cold, Doctor Strauss.”

“I’ll have the paper to you tomorrow, professor.” vs. “I’ll have the paper to you tomorrow, Professor Adams.”

“That’s an order, captain!” vs. “That’s an order, Captain Walsh.”

“Over here, officer!” vs. “Over here, Officer Waterson!”

“Let’s get started, detective.” vs. “Let’s get started, Detective Peters.”

“But the teacher said we can’t.” vs. “But Teacher told me we can!” –You’ll note here that “teacher” is capitalized. That’s because it’s being used in place of a name of one specific person, and can be treated as a proper noun. If someone calls their teacher “Teacher” in place of her name, it can be treated as a proper noun of sorts.

Pet names

Nope. No capitalizing pet names. Nicknames, yes. Pet names? No.

“How are you doing, honey?” vs. “How are you doing, Nicky?”

Religious terms

There are too many to address, so I will leave a helpful link here.

Medieval titles/royal titles

One of the biggest problems I run across in fantasy is the improper use of titles. Basically they follow the same rules as the titles of profession, with a few exceptions, which will be addressed below. For the most part, when using a title like king, queen, prince, princess, duke, duchess, etc., do NOT capitalize unless it’s a direct address that includes their name.

“Introducing Queen Tabatha Shaw.” vs. “Introducing the queen, Tabatha Shaw.”

“That horse is the king’s!” vs. “That horse belongs to King Michael!”

“Protect the king!” vs. “Protect King Michael!”

“This is the duchess, Sarah Milford.” vs. “This is Duchess Sarah Milford.”

“Ah, Princess Anne, you’re looking lovely today.” vs. “Ah, princess, you’re looking lovely today.”

“No, my prince, the hunt has been canceled.” vs. “No, Prince Eric, the hunt has been canceled.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Lord Edward.” vs. “It is a pleasure to meet you, my lord.”

(“My lord” and “my lady” are only ever capitalized at the beginning of a sentence. Consider them the same as sir or ma’am.)

Medieval title exceptions

“What will you have me do, sire?” (Like sir, this word is not capitalized unless it’s the first of a sentence.)

“Today we’re going to the Lord Mayor’s joust!” (Lord Mayor is a capitalized term. However, if you were to say, “We’re going to the mayor’s joust,” it would be lowercase. “We’re going to Mayor Johnson’s joust.”)

His Grace Duke Edward Gibbs.” vs. “How do you do, your grace?”

“But Your Majesty, we must adjourn.” vs. “But majesty, I must protest…”

“Oh, Your Excellency, of course!” vs. “Oh, of course, excellency.

“Yes, Your Highness, we will have it done right away.” vs. “No, highness, we didn’t.”

These cover a few common (and easy to confuse) terms that should either be capitalized or lowercased given their use in the sentence.

And remember, when in doubt, find out if there is a name after the title or honorific, and choose accordingly.

Photo: weheartit

Think You Couldn’t Possibly Lose Your Amazon Publishing Account? Think Again.

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VERY Important information about authors on Kindle Unlimited through Amazon

The Active Voice

There’s this indie author I know a little bit from the Kboards.com forum. Her name is Pauline Creeden, and she’s an ordinary midlister, like so many of us. I remember PMing her some time ago and gushing about how particularly beautiful one of her book covers is — the one for Chronicles of Steele: Raven.collection Here, I’ll include an image. Gorgeous, eh?

Anyway, today I tuned in to Kboards and noticed that Pauline had started a thread. It contained what’s surely the worst news possible for an indie author: Amazon had closed her publishing account. All her ebooks had been taken off sale. Permanently. Here’s the email she got from Amazon:

We are reaching out to you because we have detected that borrows for your books are originating from systematically generated accounts. While we support the legitimate efforts of our publishers to promote their books, attempting to manipulate…

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Just. One. Book.

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Help them out!

Throwing Chanclas

Just. One. Book.

I live in a town of 1200 people in the Northern Sierra Nevada –where it meets the Cascade Range near Mt. Lassen National Park and about two hours drive northwest of Reno, NV.  Two hundred of that population is students. Over the years as the population dwindled after mines closed, then mills–nothing except tourism and retirement have emerged as ‘industries.’ Many businesses have closed down and with it many things we take for granted—like libraries.

The local junior/senior high school has not been able to purchase new books since the 90s. Some of the “check outs” for old books are in the 1980s. There are no books by people of color in the library. Hardly any books by women are in the few book cases except your standard Austen and Lee. It’s an uninviting place. There hasn’t been a librarian for nearly a decade. And volunteers weren’t allowed. The…

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Talk that Talk (the Way Your Reader Likes it!)

Editor's Suggestions

Today, Inklings, we’re talking about talking.

Naturalizing your dialogue, to be specific.

Every writer has their own unique voice when they’re writing, because every person has their own dialect, inflections, voice patterns, and even vocabulary or colloquialisms. This is part of what makes language so diverse and gratifying to play with. You can use a variety of letters and sounds, and even make up your own!

But despite this, many writers struggle when it comes to making their characters speak, and if you have this problem, trust me, you are not alone. Dialogue between imaginary characters is hard, dude.

There are books upon books and blogs and lessons and classes and conferences about creating awesome dialogue, but there is a much, much simpler method of amping your character’s convos up to enjoyable levels.

1. Listen to conversations around you.

Go to your local coffee shop, grocery store, park. Sit for a while and hear how people speak. Pay attention to how they phrase things, or what inflection they use. Are they guilty of “up talk” or “vocal fry?” Do they over use the word “like” or “uhm” or “you know” because they are struggling to piece their words together? Do they have a tic, like beginning every sentence with “Okay, so…”, or just jump in and talksofastyoucan’tevencatchup? Believe it or not, these are all things you can incorporate (within reason) in your own writing. To make dialogue in writing believable, you have to know speaking in real life. You have to understand speech patterns—but this isn’t as hard as it sounds.

As human beings, we are actually significantly gifted at picking up body language and tone in speech, and now, it’s your great difficulty to translate that innate knowledge into your book.

2. USE. CONTRACTIONS.

As I’ve stated many times before, one of the easiest ways to make your language flow is an extraordinarily simple one. When you’re talking to a family member, do you say everything so prim and proper that you could be an extra in Pride and Prejudice? Chances are, no, no you don’t. Everyone has their “professional” voice and their “relaxed” voice. Professional you might be more precise, but chances are you won’t be able to cut those syllables with a chisel, right? Relaxed voice is how you normally speak, when you’re alone or with comfortable acquaintances. Putting a sense of “relaxed” voice in dialogue is a fantastic way of making your reader “say” it in their own version of relaxed voice, which makes it flow smooth like butta, baby. And the best way to do this? Use contractions.

“Do not take that bag out of the closet! If I have to look for it, I will end up late to practice!”

“Jer, we are going to the store. Is there anything you will need me to pick up?”

“I cannot forget to put all of the laundry in the dryer when I get home.”

“But Barbara, there is nothing you can do. He told you he does not want any help.”

Or

“Don’t take my gym bag out of the closet! If I’m late to practice because it’s missing, I’ll be pissed!”

“Jer, we’re going shopping. You need anythin’?”

“Aww, crap! I gotta remember to switch the laundry over when I get back.”

“Barb, you can’t do anything. He said he doesn’t want help.”

Write how people speak, not how a narrator would dictate a sentence.

3. Read EVERYTHING aloud. ALL OF IT.

Go and read a portion of a book out loud. Doesn’t have to be dialogue or even your own work; just pick something and go. Did you find yourself sliding over the pronunciation of certain letters in favor of your relaxed voice? Like saying ‘don’ instead of don’t? Do you perhaps soften your “r” to the point where ya sound Bostonian? Did you read it fast, or slow? Did it jive with your internal voice, or did you find yourself pausing and rereading portions so you could reassess the tone? Reading written words aloud will strengthen your understanding of dialogue and language in general. Pay attention to your own accent. Are you from the south? Did you know that southern accents have different dialects depending on where you live? Midwestern tones can seem southern, but have subtle differences, and west coast people sound completely different from northerners and southerners altogether? A Bostonian accent is drastically different than one in New York, and both are distinguishable from New Jersey or New England.

Hearing words out loud from different regions can really help you develop a style of writing conversations that will give everyone an individual voice. If you want your characters to pop, give them different “vocal” affectations. Learn to recognize and incorporate different accents, dialects, and parts of speech in your dialogue to give your character, well… character.

4. Use slang and colorful (not necessarily vulgar) language.

My siblings and I grew up in northern Florida surrounded by country folk and surfer dudes, but my mother is from New York, so we picked up a lot of slang from her that wasn’t common in that area. I ended up pronouncing forest as “fah-rest” or orange as “ah-renge”, and we abbreviated “shut up” so that it became a single word (“shaddup!”) and we called unidentified bits of paper or fluff on the floor “schnibbles.” At the same time, I was developing a touch of a lazy drawl, and getting a bit too relaxed around g’s, if you know what I’m sayin’. I was comfortable with “surfer talk”—which is its own thing entirely. I found out that I would specify tacos at Taco Bell the southern way of “the 89 cent” ones—yes, children, tacos did used to be that cheap. We don’t lie when we say the 90s were a wonderful time—or when telling someone to leave “something” alone, I would often jam the words together to pronounce it as “Lea’ that alone.” I fought against using “ain’t,” although I will admit that it has slipped in conversation at least twice. Language is fun! Use various methods to make yours enticing.

5. If it doesn’t need it, DON’T MAKE THEM TALK.

Sometimes, the best things are left unsaid, right? Well, occasionally. In dialogue, “a picture is worth 1000 words” takes on extra meaning. If you can show us what’s going on without your characters talking us through it, then do it. When you’re writing a screenplay, dialogue is a precious commodity. You seriously have to consider what words are going on that page because you are so limited with page space. Some of my favorite parts of a movie are where the characters say absolutely nothing because the action speaks so well for them. If your character is talking when they really should be quiet, remove it. See how well silence can direct a scene for you.

Pixar actually does a fantastic job nixing dialogue in favor of showing action—think of the beginning of the movie Up, or actually don’t, because I do not need to cry right now. How about a film like Wall-E, instead? The action carried so well that they were able to forego dialogue in HUGE portions of the film, and one of the sweetest moments ever is when Wall-E first meets Eve:

Now imagine if he had been giving her verbose, expository dialogue about how he’d been fulfilling his mission to box all the trash on Earth.

When in doubt, go without!

 

photo: SFStation

3 Cliches (That Completely Lose Your Reader)

Editor's Suggestions

The Top 3 Clichés that Make Me Close a Book

By Kelly Kobayashi

1. The Love Triangle

How many times have you yourself been in a Love Triangle? How many times has anyone you’ve ever known? I’m sure I’m blowing your mind when I tell you honestly that neither is true from my own experience. Have I known girls who broke up with one guy because they found themselves attracted to someone new? Definitely. Have I known guys who stayed silent and sat on their feelings until they sorted out which girl of two to approach? Of course.

But I’ve never personally known anyone just so darn alluring that multiple people crushed on them (and made their passionate feelings known) at once. I’ve never found myself so confused by my own feelings as to selfishly string anyone along. I’ve never known any boy, girl, man, or woman so stupid as to not know the difference between “I find this person hot” and “I care for this person’s story, their happiness, opinions, feelings, and overall well being.” Lust and Love are not hard to separate, even for teenagers. Shocking, I know.

So, even more offensive to me than the predictability, pointlessness, and utter failure at creating tension, is that the Love Triangle is just unrealistic. It’s lazy. And it’s actually pretty insulting, especially to YA readers. We know who we would pick, so why is the protagonist such a shallow, cruel, weak dimwit?

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Don’t care. *slams book shut*

2. The Misunderstanding That Could Be Solved With a Single Conversation

Usually goes something like this: Girl sees Boyfriend walking beside another girl across the street. (They are not even holding hands.) Next day, Girl freezes Boyfriend out. No texts, no calls, no explanation.

Girl, I don’t have time for you and your faux drama. Boyfriend is really better off without you if that’s the way you’re going to act.

Or how about this: Male Lead of high fantasy novel finds out his Female Lead is stuck in an unwanted-but-arranged marriage, which—due to obvious factors such as time period, societal norms, and family politics—is completely understandable, but he still accuses Female Lead of betrayal, cowardice, and gold-digging.

Um, Author, you set up this world. You designed it as a medieval realm. You created gender parameters around the Female Lead. You made arranged marriages an accepted practice. Why is your Male Lead throwing 2016 shade?

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Nope. *slams book shut*

3. The Misdirected Insta-Thirst for Revenge

Ugh. This one I really just can’t take seriously. And it’s the crux of far too many crime thrillers and graphic novels. This one plays out: Villain murders Mentor, Love Interest, or Family Member, then leaves scene. Best friend enters scene. Hero walks in, merely sees Best Friend standing over the body (wearing a look of horror), and vows REVENGE! upon them.

Call me nitpicky, but I’m pretty sure I would want to… you know, ask questions, investigate, and FIND THE REAL VILLAIN who is not my OBVIOUSLY-A-GOOD-GUY Best Friend?! I would at least ask Best Friend what happened. Did they see anyone? Did they just get there like I did? Have they already called for an ambulance?

If the Hero’s friendship is so tissue-paper-thin that he can believe Best Friend capable of murder, I don’t care if he realizes the truth later. Best Friend should run in the opposite direction from this idiot’s brand of loyalty and consideration.

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I can’t even. *slams book closed*

 

Feat. Photo: mensxp

How Social Media Screws Your Book Review

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Amazon comes under fire a lot, it seems, for its treatment of authors in general: They delete books and then later apologize but still don’t put them back in a timely manner. They have let reviewers who admitted to not reading a book keep their reviews up, or “trolls” to punish an author by putting up one-star reviews—this got so out of hand at one point that famed author Anne Rice had to step in and make news by signing a petition for Amazon to better protect its authors. And most recently, Amazon has cracked down on reviews by refusing to let friends or family members post them—even when those reviews are fair and unbiased—simply because they know of a connection between the author and the reviewer.

In this day and age, being an Amazon “author” is one of the easiest things to do. Literally. Anyone can sign up for an account and post their book, letting it drift off to become one more piece of literary flotsam ebbing along on the shores of the great, wide web.

What’s hard though, is marketing your books—and yourself—and that requires a network of people around you who are willing to vouch for your authenticity as a writer. i.e., you need friends and family members willing to go to bat for you. Authors you’ve worked with or schmoozed at conventions. People on Facebook that you barely know except by random waterfalling “friend of a friend” connections, who surprised you by accepting your request for reads and reviews.

So why is Amazon punishing these reviewers?

The history of Amazon’s book review process is a pretty storied one (bah-dum-tssh!), and goes back many embattled author complaints into the past. One notable instance was in 2012, when a group that called themselves “No Sock Puppets Here Please” (NSPHP) found that some authors were boosting their books with “sock puppet” accounts—fake accounts they made for the sole purpose of reviewing their own work. There were even authors who admitted to paying for reviews, like Todd Rutherford, who eventually anted up to over 300 paid reviews.

NSPHP created a petition to stop the sock puppets, and Amazon listened and took what they said to heart, deleting thousands of reviews from people who even might have possibly known the author or were also authors themselves.

Wait, what?

That’s right. Amazon started deleting book reviews from other authors because they “might have been colleagues.”

As J.A. Konrath said in regards to the signers of the NSPHP petition, “You have killed an annoying mosquito using a nuclear weapon, collateral damage be damned.” Sure, some sock puppet accounts were deleted, but overall, it was well-intentioned, honest reviews that mostly took the hit.

Ouch.

Since then, Amazon frequently tries to police its own forums and reviews, making an attempt to not let authors use sock puppet accounts.

Okay, I’m with you on that, that’s good.

But this can get a little out of hand from time to time, when people who know the author and have read the book are suddenly stripped of their ability to write an honest review. In the author groups and forums I frequent, I see people complaining because fellow authors in their same circles have had reviews deleted because they’re “colleagues.” People who post openly and honestly in the comment about their relationship to the author—whether it’s personal, like a friendship, or professional, like a fellow writer—are getting the same treatment: the axe.

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Amazon is a great site, and it has done wonders for getting authors to reach audiences with their books. The Kindle is king of ebooks, and as of 2014, 19.5% of all books sold in the U.S. were Amazon Kindle titles.

But sometimes their intuition isn’t so… intuitive. Case and point with authors getting reviews deleted or refused by people who “know them” because Amazon wants to avoid angering the NSPHP denizens again. So they’ve effectively made themselves scared natives sacrificing their sheep and prettiest virgins to the volcano god to appease its rumbling, even though it hasn’t rumbled in years. NSPHP doesn’t even exist anymore.

There must absolutely be a policy in place to protect both the author and the consumer, but someone who knows and (probably) likes you who goes and reads your book and wants to leave a review is not the same as an author creating a sock puppet account or paying people to review the book or flood it with undeserved praise in order to up the rating. Amazon needs to learn to differentiate between the two, and cull the numbers in a better fashion rather than going full scorched-earth.

Is there anything you can do to protect yourself as an author? Yes, a little, but it’s not guaranteed. Amazon can still delete reviews whenever they feel like it, based on whatever hoodoo rules they’ve recently started developing. Check your social media sites and know what apps have permission to view your information. Goodreads, which is owned by Amazon (along with these other companies) can share your info if you’re logged into them with your Facebook account. That means Goodreads knows who’s on your friends list and can tell on you like a digital version of Gríma Wormtongue whispering in King Amazon’s ear. Make your friends’ list on Facebook private, make certain you’re not sharing app information with Amazon or Goodreads (or any other company Amazon owns), and make certain you don’t connect your Facebook account to Goodreads if it’s connected to your Amazon author account.

Jeez, that’s a lot of work!

I know, I know. It’s a rabbit hole, and you’re poor Alice, falling forever and wondering what you did to deserve this. Eventually, another site will start to rival Amazon on book sales, or Amazon will wise up and start thinking realistically about the realization of deleting the comments on a new author’s books because they were done by the only people the fledgling author knew and could comfortably ask to review them.

Maybe that will happen soon, but until then, learn how you can protect yourself from getting your reviews deleted, and be wise with your social media sharing.

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