Ever get a day where you are literally just two seconds away from punching someone in the teeth? I mean, you don’t even know what’s going on or who they are—they just come up and smile at you and their smile is so sickeningly cutesy that you just can’t take it and you feel your brain melting?
Yeah, I’m there.
I’d like to start by saying that sometimes, it feels like I’m on top of a unicycle, juggling throwing knives, and Life is the asshole on the sidelines who keeps throwing more at me while I’m frantically trying not to drop the ones I’ve got.
Also, I’m on a trapeze. And the knives are on fire. And there’s a clown standing directly below me, shouting things that I don’t understand. And then I remember that I hate clowns almost as much as I hate cockroaches, and then I realize that I’m thinking about cockroaches and now I have the heebie-jeebies.
What I’m saying is, it’s stressful.
“Kind of like this, but I don’t think I can rock those pink shorts half so well.”
Okay, so you get the point.
I’m not the sort to deal well with injustice, but I’ve found that ever increasingly, businesses, schools, and (most of all) governments abide by this ideal that I can’t seem to understand.
That’s the ideal of: “We wanted to, so na-na-na-na-boo-boo”.
For those of you who read the “About Me” section on this page (which you should because it’s totally sweet), you’ll know that I’m currently attending school for creative writing, and I’m about two months away from graduating, which is exciting and also terrifying as HELL at the same time.
I’ve recently run into those terrible people who make you want to run away and leave all of your hard work behind—people who have nothing positive to say, and try to tear you down at every turn. Unfortunately, one of those people is currently in charge of judging how well I completed certain materials. It’s ridiculously hard to maintain any sort of positivity, and I’ve recently started to feel like a P.O.W. from all of her dumbassery and cocksureness.
I have been waiting almost five weeks for feedback on assignments. Compound that with my inability to wait patiently, and it’s a hot mess in my brain.
“Okay, refreshing the page obsessively isn’t working—maybe I should try sacrificing a lamb next.”
Some days I literally feel like an aneurysm is patiently waiting outside my door like a Jehovah’s Witness and they’re not going away because they totally saw me peeking through the window to see who it was so they know I’m home. It’s difficult to work so hard for something and know that someone’s opinion—which isn’t any better or more important than mine—is the deciding factor between success and a less than savory outcome.
Stress is a lot like being drunk. It limits your ability to see past the present, it hampers your decision-making abilities, and it makes everything feel off-kilter. While it’s hard to go through patches like this, life is full of them. I’m just cruising through this one and biding my time until the next one rears its ugly head.
That’s just what I’m gonna have to deal with.
A lot of times it feels easier to give up, go into hiding and change your name, but you never get better by not suffering adversity. That’s what being a human is, and it sucks, but it comes with some pretty neat rewards sometimes. We aren’t as delicate as we sometimes feel, and a little heat on us only makes us rise up to accept the challenge, or crumble in the face of it. Being poked can either provoke or annoy us (unless we’re being poked with a sword, in which case we start bleeding profusely), and it will either push us back or propel us forward.
Regardless of my sense of injustice crying out; regardless of my agony at being put through a particularly rough patch, I’m going to try to use this as a means of growing, rather than faltering. I really feel like I just have to keep going forward, despite the difficulties because if I can turn this to my advantage, it means I win, and she loses.